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Chat-up lines

A great way to meet the opposite sex, or an archaic custom to be locked away in Room 101?

The case for, by Kelvin Sampson

Yes, we know, chat-up lines have got a bad rep. It's not surprising really, considering the sorts of lowlife losers who are often associated with them, but sadly, the basic truth is that it's not always easy to meet people.

It used to be so much simpler in days gone by. I can't imagine that your average caveman would have ummed and ahhed before approaching that sexy cave girl for a bit of action.

Even in the '60's it was acceptable - and expected - for men to approach women with honest, open advances. But now, in the upside down, no-one-knows-who's-in-charge double-Os, approaching women in a bar is in itself seen by some as a patriarchal, creepy procedure. Most guys know that a friendly come-on is usually returned with a stare that says 'How dare you invade my personal space when I'm just trying to have a quiet drink with my friends.'

I think it's time men reclaimed the chat-up line, and to get the ball rolling, here are my top five lines for you to try. They might not help you pull. Hell, they might even get you slapped, but remember; if you don't have one drink thrown in your face every month you're doing something wrong.

  • Is that a false nose?
  • Hi! My friends call me Creepy
  • You're ugly but you intrigue me
  • I think you're the most beautiful girl I have ever seen... On a Wednesday
  • It's your lucky day - my girlfriend dumped me last night, so I'm back on the singles market.

The case against, by Karla Fitzhugh

What is it with blokes and chat-up lines? Most girls hate them, and with good reason. The next time you serve one up to some poor unsuspecting female, you might just as well ask if she wants extra cheese with that.

Let's start with the reasons guys use them. From a (very great) distance they seem to be a good way of breaking the ice with someone you like the look of. That's all very well, but if you use an obvious 'line' you risk putting 'The Target' on guard in case you are some horrible letch. It isn't really a friendly way to go about it.

You might feel like you're being cool and confident, but take it from me, boys, it's sad and wimpy. Full stop. How is a girl supposed to be interested in someone who opens a conversation with some old pickup line. Be brave and talk to us like we are individual human beings, and try actually listening to the answers as if you were interested; you may be surprised at the results.

Then there's the question of originality. If your mates tell you some line is a sure-fire winner with the ladies, think before you copy them and try it out. We have definitely heard them all before, and they are puke-inducingly corny. And no, you can't do it in an ironic way; it's just not funny.

And while I'm at it, never ever call us 'Love', 'Sweetheart', and 'Darlin''. We have names, you know. How about telling us your name, and then asking us ours'? That would be a good one to try, lads. Not quite as big as 'Get your coat, you've pulled', but if results are more important than impressing your mates, then it's time to get with the program.

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